Selflessness.

I find myself constantly asking God WHY ME? WHY AM I HERE? And He just takes me aside...and whispers,

Ben.  This isn't all about you.  The answer is simple.  You're here for others.  You're here to love, and to show me to the world.  How are you going to do that today?

Well, how are you going to do that today?

Discipline.

Whenever I think of this word....I think of some sort of punishment.  The authoritative parents might say, "WE ARE DISCIPLINING YOU."  In school they pound the thought into your head...discipline...discipline.  Don't finish your homework?  DISCIPLINE.  Want to beat up a kid in the hallway?  DISCIPLINE.  And when you say it fast enough, it sounds like gullible.

However....I HATE that version of the word.  Punishment should not be a synonym for discipline.  It gives the other meaning of the word bad connotations.  For example, you are very disciplined if you...

• Work out on a regular basis
• Have self-control
• Use time wisely

And quite frankly, those all sound like punishment to me.  Not watching T.V. whenever I want to?  No-carb diets?...No...more...DESSERT???  Will someone please stop the madness?  Discipline sounds pretty scary, and kind of...sucky.  I don't want to be disciplined, as in being punished by others OR myself.

I think that's a good definition for the way society views it, being a disciplined person is punishing yourself.  And sadly...it's not true.

Am I really punishing myself if I don't eat that bucket of ice cream...?  Am I punishing myself by reading the Bible everyday?  Have I asked too many questions in this blog for you to care anymore?  So what?

But how much happier would we be if we actually understood discipline, the non-scary kind?  Good diet breeds better views on life, and getting  enough sleep, instead of staying up late to write a blog, makes you feel less crabby and emotional.  We know this to be true...it's happened at least once to us.  Once in that blue moon, a teenager will get a full night's sleep...and they'll realize...hey, that was great.  Unfortunately, advanced classes and teachers force the teen to stay up to the wee hours of the morning, stressing, and crying (for guys, on the inside) and we forget about that little taste of goodness.

I think a lot of us lack the will power to actually pursue any sort of discipline.  I lack any efforts to even enter a gym.  I lack motivation to care about what I eat.  I lack the motivation to read my Bible, and spend time with God.  But...what will it take for us to be motivated?  Why do we live in the big ole' fat America?  All I know is that I do NOT want to wake up forty years from now wishing I had chosen not to eat those buckets, upon buckets, of ice cream.  And this all has a lot to do with sin nature.  Naturally, none of us want discipline, it feels like we are losing some sort of freedom.  However, once we receive the Holy Spirit, we begin to be convicted.  God wants us to see the way things he sees them.  He wants to change our lives, and how can we do that without discipline?

This is a response to my devotional today.  God wants us all to live revolutionary lives, but how can we do that if we are so swayed by the wind?
James 1:2-8
 ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.


My revolutionary living will begin with this, learning to listen to what God wants me to do, and learning to be disciplined.  The two go hand in hand.

Maturity

Should I call this person out for being a jerk, or do I just keep quiet?

Do I continue to argue or do I let them win?

Should I say this pointless joke, or should I be serious?

I went  camping with some friends, and I did a devotional about maturity.  I talked about the verse in Timothy where it says not to let anyone look down on you because of your age, and how we shouldn’t give people the opportunity to look down on us.  It was cool talking to my friends about stuff like that…but my epiphany has grown…

Maturity is all about the decisions we make.  That’s what separates us from the animals, is the choice, versus the drive.  Do we choose this or that?  And most decisions are not life-changing, maturity driven choices. But we do have those opportunities where we choose maturely or immaturely.  And I still don’t have a full grasp on what maturity is…it certainly is not growing up.  But making the mature decision is something I’ve been pursuing.  

To define mature: something I would not normally think about..it’s not on my mind 24/7.  same with God.  I think you need to be thinking about both in order to see the opportunities presented.  Pray for those opportunities, and genuinely seek them, and God gives them to us.  Do I buy something for myself now, or save money for later?  There are so many decisions I will have to make, still haven’t made, this next year, and I want to choose the mature ones. Not to be grown up, or sound smart, or be serious, but so people will not have the opportunity to look down on me because of my age.

Pray for me.

Matthew 14

²³ After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, ²⁴ and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. ²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. ²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” ²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”   ²⁹ “Come,” he said.   Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” ³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” ³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

 I've read this Bible story many times before, and as a child I was totally captured by the fact that Jesus was walking on water...I have yet to meet anyone else that has, although, I think Christians could.  Anyways, I realize that I still understand some parts of the Bible through what I learned as a child.  That I have just accepted these stories for what they are and never re-read or studied them thoroughly.  But this story amazes me in so many different aspects.  When I was struggling with trusting Jesus, I thought of asking Jesus to bring me out onto the water...to step out of the boat of certainty into the waves of uncertainty.  Yet again, I am able to revisit the same idea of trust in the same story, in a different perspective.  I was so attracted to this idea of leaving the boat behind and walking towards Jesus.  But so many times in my life, I have fallen down and felt too heavy to be picked up again.  I have doubted the power of God to hold me up.  And I look at this story....


1. Peter is my favorite...he's so adventurous and zealous compared to the rest...


2. What would it feel like to have your friend, your Godly friend, walk out to you on the water?  What would it feel like to see him doing the impossible?  I would certainly be afraid.  


3. I have never really looked at this aspect before...but, the weather wasn't perfect.  It was "windy."  Verse 24 says the ship "buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it."  Is this at night?  If it is...how could they see Jesus?  
So, I just watched Master and Commander today...Russel Crowe is an awesome actor and it wasn't a very big movie.  Great film.  If you have never seen the movie, let me fill you in.  It's about a British ship during Napoleon's reign in France and revolves around the French-British conflict.  The whole movie takes place on the ship (except when the Doctor explores the Galapagos).  What I noticed most about the movie is the cinematography.  Awesome.  Nonetheless, they filmed a scene where the ship is completely drenched by the waves.  The wind is so strong and the waves so huge, the crew is knocked down at times. 


IS THIS HOW STRONG THE WIND WAS?

I have no idea.....I don't have the courtesy of knowing, but it doesn't matter.  The point is that whenever Jesus calls us to do something, confess sins, or pack up and move to another state for example, there is wind.  The disciples weren't floating on calm waters during a bright sunny day and all of a sudden here comes Jesus, walking on the water.  No, there was considerable winds and "buffeting" against the boat.  The waves were large, and the wind was strong.  Can you then imagine walking out onto water like that?  When I was struggling with trust, I never thought this far into the story.  Yes, walking on water would take some trust, that would be hard, but can you imagine adding on all of the wind and waves along with darkness?  Can you imagine what that would look like?  The waves are raging on as your friend walks towards you mysteriously on the water, and you are shouting to him because the waves are so strong, but you trust him enough to walk onto the water.  That's the first step (hah punny).  It says Peter SAW the waves (not from the boat, but actually on the water) and he realized the impossibility of it all.  He could never walk on water, how insane.  Yet the whole time during this interaction, Jesus is right there.  He pulls him up out of the water and rescues him.  The point is that whenever we are asked to do something, whenever we are "called" to something, Jesus doesn't promise smooth sailing.  He promises security and trust, but he never said there was no wind.  And my prayer for us all, is that we would trust Jesus, despite the wind and waves in our lives, because that kind of trust cannot be broken.  And it's okay if we fall, because He's right there waiting to lift us up.

Reflections on Latvia

1. God answers prayers.  

2. Don’t allow children to run around with rocks in their hands.  You might get a rock thrown at your nose. (Love Mark)

3. Peeing in pools isn’t that big of a deal.

4. Everyone needs a friend.

5. I love my new friend, Martins, with a crazy brotherly love I’ve never felt before.  

6. Europeans think they’re all that, and they usually are.

7. I learned that I love confrontation.

8. Mentors are important to spiritual growth.

9. It’s important to read your Bible everyday.

10. God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.

11. My life shouldn’t revolve around me.  

12. We ask questions when God has the simplest answer, right in front of our rock-beaten noses.

13. The opposite of comfort is when we draw closest to God.

14. Guys are awesome.

15. I’m not good at sports.

16. Nobody is saved by the hope of escaping hell, they are saved by the hope of being adopted into God’s family.

17. Plane food + IBS= tummyaches

18. You will always regret NOT saying I Love You.

19.  God has different plans than we do.

20. The ability to trust in God is the most comforting fact about Christianity.

21. It’s not me, it’s You.

22. No noise (internet, phone, television etc.) is actually really nice.

23. Sleep Apnea is scary to listen to.

24. I’m sick of my self-centered life.

25. I love hanging out with kids.

26. Teenagers are cooler in different languages.

27. You can never give too many piggybacks.

28. Kids love trampolines.

29. I love trampolines.

30. Respecting authority is hard, but important.

There are multiple stories that go with each reflection, maybe I’ll tell them sometime soon.

Jonah (Literally and Figuratively)

Jonah is perhaps one of my favorite Bible stories, ever.

So, there's this guy, a prophet of God.  I could buy a commentary or do an in-depth study to learn more about him, and maybe I will, but the important thing is that we don't necessarily know a whole lot.  Maybe he had just begun the ministry, maybe he had been at it a long time.  Whatever the case, God told Jonah:
Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me
...but Jonah ran away from the Lord.

What I love about this story is that it pretty much is a basis for the Christian life.  Our God is a God of second chances, to quote VeggieTales.  Jonah ran away, not to do something horrible, maybe he was going to Tarshish to preach, hoping he could ignore God.  Maybe he had big plans there before he was supposed to go to Nineveh.  It doesn't matter.  God knows best.  I find this really hard to completely understand in my life.  I always thought that I knew best....and now I am supposed to trust God?  What?!?  So, Jonah runs away, and the boat he is on begins to sink.  What is this boat in our life?  The Church?  A Relationship? It doesn't matter whether or not what WE want to do is good or not, judging by human standards, it matters whether or not we LISTEN to God.  Jonah was on a boat.  He wasn't murdering, being sexually immoral, disrespecting his mother and father, he was on a boat.  I think that whatever our "boat" is, that when we don't do what God wants us to, we are sinning, A LOT.  And figuratively we ARE sinking the boat ourselves.  Maybe we struggle in a relationship and God calls us to apologize...yet our pride is too big, so we don't apologize, but try and act really nice to this person.  The boat of this relationship is SINKING.  1. We aren't trying to restore the relationship and 2. We are only trying to pretend so that we don't feel bad for not apologizing or guilty for whatever we did in the first place.  What if the boat is the Church?  Maybe God calls us to pursue (hah) a ministry, confess our sins to someone, be a better friend...whatever.  When we don't do what God calls us to do, we sink the boat.  We are holding everyone back from TRULY experiencing God's power and work in our lives, including our own.  Think how far along our church or the American church, our relationships with friends, or with people we don't like, COULD BE if we followed God's plan?  How full of the spirit or dependent on God would we be?  And yet we don't do it, we run away, maybe not to the opposite end of the world, but maybe somewhere very close.
God had a plan for Jonah in Nineveh, He wanted Jonah to learn to trust Him, but also He wanted Jonah to be in a closer relationship with Him.  But Jonah was too uncomfortable, or scared and said he would like to do it his way.  Too bad our way is not the best way....
When we don't do what God wants, we fail to move onto that next step of faith and we also fail to do what God commands us to do....I just can't get over how important God's will truly is...

I'll finish this post later, but just meditate on what God is calling you to do in your life, may it be long term, short term, whatever.  An apology or a confession, go for it :) And if you've run away, finish the story.

...A relationship with Jesus (Tips to a great Lawn)

At a witness course I've been visiting, we had to read a story called My Heart Christ's home, I encourage you to read it too.  But this post is based on that book.

My yard was so overgrown.  The dandelions just started to come out, which made the grass look even worse.  Picture a green blob of dark and yellow-ish green patches, with dandelions and some spots of dead grass.  That was our yard.  Now, it's pretty hard to hide something like that. The neighbors probably drove by and wondered, wow this guy is lazy, how could he let the grass grow so long and get so bad?  How could he ignore this beaming problem in his life?  And I decided enough's enough, I'm done arguing about who's job it is to mow the lawn, I'm going to do it and make it look nice.  I've learned some things from mowing the lawn:

1. The gate/vet/mulcher thing gets clogged...a lot.
The little gate thing on the right side of the push mower is troublesome.  When I'm going through and mowing the lawn it likes to fall off....and then get clogged.  Or it just stays on and gets clogged.  I was so frustrated, how can this stupid little piece of plastic get so full of grass?  Did I forget to mention that the lawn mower will just shut off if it gets clogged?  Because...it does.  And then I remembered, oh yeah, I haven't mowed the lawn in awhile.  So, I decided that I had to keep going otherwise it would just get worse.  So, I had to go pretty slow, only mow the lawn in one direction for awhile, and continually watch the gate to see if it was clogged.  I had to pay attention to it.

2.  You never know what you'll find down there.
The grass had gotten so long that I could no longer see what might be in the grass.  There are these baby bunnies in my backyard, and I was scared for their lives, but thankfully none were injured.  However, I DID come across many of my dog's surprises buried in the overgrowth, mulch, and other little things that make it grosser to mow the lawn.  I felt disgusting after mowing, because remember how that little gate got clogged?  I had to reach down and pull the wads that got stuck down there, sometimes without the benefit of knowing what those wads contained.

3.  Lather, rinse, repeat.
I was patient, mowed the lawn, and got through this horrible mess of a yard.  However, I will have to do it again.  At LEAST once a week...:(.  One of my pet peeves is yard work, it's never done!  Grass is always growing, and in one week's time is back to the exact same height that it was before I mowed it the last time.  So, I will have to do this more often, otherwise it'll get overgrown AGAIN and...we wouldn't want that.

4.  You need fuel.
During this strenuous process, I had to refill my lawnmower twice with gas.  We only own 1/4 of an acre...so the only reason I could come up with for the fuel shortage was the fact that it took more to cut down the 6 or more inches of grass.  We need to fill up our tanks sometimes more than we do normally, especially if we are doing such a big job as this.

5.  We can't do it without the lawn mower.
Wouldn't it be stupid if we tried to cut our grass without a lawn mower?
Mom: Ben can you mow the lawn today?
Me: Sure! Just let me get my scissors and I'll get right to it!

No way....that would pretty much be impossible.  The only way to do it is with the lawn mower...no substitutes.


I don't know if you caught it, but I'll ruin the metaphor for you if you didn't.  Once you've read through this post, read through it again, but apply it to your spiritual life. Don't make fun of my long grass...look at how your yard needs to be fixed.